Learn Your Child's Love Languages

A few weeks ago I posted about parenting transitions -- those times when we find that the things that have worked for us in relating to and helping our children just don't seem to have the same effect.  I shared a list of books I've read or am currently reading to help me through such a time.

Something I have done that has helped me understand my oldest (and most difficult) child is to find out his love language.  Not sure what that means?  Quick explanation:

The concept comes from the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.  My husband and I read were required to read this book as part of our pre-marital counseling, and the concepts have really stuck with me.  The premise is that not everyone receives or feels love in the same ways.  For example, I really feel loved when my husband helps me with the things I need to do -- laundry, cooking, ferrying children around, taking care of the car.  Chapman calls these acts of service.  However, my husband feels loved in different ways --when I give him thoughtful gifts, or with physical contact (bow chicka bow bow!).

The same idea is true for our children. Chapman outlines five different love languages.  They are:

* Words of Affirmation
* Acts of Service 
* Receiving Gifts
* Quality Time
* Physical Touch

With the help of a handy and fun online tool, you and your children (and your spouse!) can find out each other's love languages and then set about loving each other better!  

With my fifteen-year-old, I had him take the survey but not tell me the results.  Then I took the same survey and tried to answer as I predicted he would answer.  Guess what? Turns out I know him pretty well!  His top love language is Quality Time, and second is Receiving Gifts.  It was so helpful for me to read this and then to think about ways in which my husband and I can really show him that we love him so that he FEELS it!  I think it also spoke to my son that I wanted to take the time to know more about him.  (As an aside, I have also discovered a sixth love language that applies to this same son, and it is called Foods That Are Delicious and In Large Quantities.  I'm trying to be more intentional in my baking and cooking, as I think this will speak to others in my family, as well!)

I think this Love Language survey is a really useful tool for families.  Last week I told our high school counselor about it, and she said she planned to use it with her students, to help them understand themselves and their own parents and siblings.  

If you want to try out the tool, go here.  It's free and the website has lots of other good information that you may find helpful.  Have fun with it!

bloom where you're planted

Growing up, this was one of my mom's favorite phrases.  Anytime I struggled in a situation, she would repeat the phrase like a mantra or a Bible verse.   I'm not saying I ignored her.  I heard her...really.  But never really listened.

Now that I'm a mom and have begun to experience growth and worry and pain and fear, I am listening now.  I get what she was saying all those years.

It's not complicated or all that profound.  It just means to make the most of where you are, your situation, your place.  Put down roots, grow, make your place more beautiful simply for having been there.

This has made ALL the difference in my life.  Maybe it will in yours? 

Your Grocery Shopping Rut - Dare to be Different

I don't know about you, but when it comes to cooking, no matter how hard I try to "think outside the box", it never works.  I always end up with the same 8-10 basic meals ALL....THE....TIME.  I mean, how am I supposed to encourage my kids to be adventurous in their eating when I don't cook that way!?

So recently, I came up with an idea that inspired me, and I hope it will inspire you.

On your next trip to the grocery store, try this:  replace EVERYTHING, and I do mean EVERYTHING, in your usual shopping cart with something different.  And just to clarify, I don't mean trading Ruffles for Wavy Lays or Aunt Jemima for Mrs. Butterworth.  I mean PICK SOMETHING DIFFERENT.  Now, I'll let you have your staples:  milk, eggs, etc.  But to really get in the spirit of it, anything you can trade out, DO IT.  Here are a few examples:

Instead of.........try
regular rice.......quinoa
ground beef.......ground turkey
chicken breasts.......pork loin chops
strawberries.......blueberries
pizza dough/crust.......Naan bread
ranch dressing.......balsamic vinaigrette 
low fat yogurt.......Greek yogurt
white flour.......unbleached 100% whole wheat flour
Fritos.......pita chips
orange juice.......grapefruit juice

See what I mean?  Get your family's taste buds moving.  Get out of the rut.  Your family may actually learn to like new things.  And if not, you might all lose a few pounds! 

Bake this for dinner!

I keep reading that it is a good idea to try to eat vegetarian at least a couple of times a week.  The problem for me has always been that my kids seem to really like meat!

I stumbled on this recipe in a little flyer I picked up at Whole Foods Market a few years ago, and decided to try it.  First, it sounded like something we would all like.  Second, it was easy peasy!

I'm sharing it with you here, with a few of my own variations.  In the event that you are like me, trying to feed your family unprocessed food as much as you can, this is a great and easy place to start! 

Mexican Quinoa Bake

serves 4

1 cup white or red quinoa (pronounced keen-wah); find it with the other grains and read about its benefits here

2 cups water, plus 3 T.

1 small white onion, finely chopped

2 cloves garlic, minced

1/2 cup white mushrooms, finely chopped

1 small red pepper, chopped

I handful cilantro, chopped (leave it out if you are a cilantro-hater!)

1/2 to 1 cup of green kale or spinach, roughly chopped

1 can refried beans (try the vegetarian variety to make it even more healthy)

cumin, chili powder and fresh ground black pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Add quinoa and water to a saucepan.  Bring to a boil and reduce to a simmer, covered, for 12-15 minutes.

Meanwhile, add 3 tablespoons of water to a saute pan, and saute onion, garlic, mushrooms, red pepper and cilantro until soft.  Use more water as needed.  Add in the kale or spinach and cook until greens turn bright green.

Drain excess water and transfer to a large mixing bowl.  Add cooked quinoa and refried beans; mix well.  Season to taste with cumin, chili powder and black pepper.

You notice I didn't even bother to use a mixing bowl; I just mixed it all in the saute pan!

Coat a loaf pan with cooking spray, or line it with parchment paper.  Scoop mixture into the dish and spread evenly.  Bake 20-25 minutes, or until top is slightly crispy.

Here is what I have discovered:  don't worry if you don't have all the veggies this calls for.  I have made it without mushrooms.  I have added zucchini or more kinds of peppers.  It really is a very forgiving dish, in which you can use whatever you have on hand vegetable-wise, and it will most likely turn out just delish!

Taking a little time to make a BIG difference

Typically, when we parents think of helping and volunteering in schools, most of us probably help plan parties, chaperone field trips, buy teacher gifts, maybe we go to PTA meetings.  These are all great...please continue your work!  

But there are important needs not being met in the classroom.  Times have been hard for many of our public schools lately.  Severe budget cuts have affected the way our teachers do their jobs.  Classroom sizes have increased, resources cut, standardized testing emphasized....all making it difficult for our kids and teachers to get what they need. 

Why not take your time and skills and help IN the classroom?  It doesn't take hours and hours of your time.  Can you give up an hour a day?  A week?  A month?  A year?!  Get IN there and help!  Having ONE safe and willing parent in the classroom divides the student teacher ratio in HALF!  Think about what that means to the kids...twice as many students are heard, touched, acknowledged, nurtured, taught, excited.  Even for a few minutes, that's a HUGE difference.

Talk to your child's teachers.  Find out what their needs are.  Make your available hours known and remind your teachers often that you're available.  Someone will take you up on the offer.  You won't regret it, and you'll have a BLAST.  

Create a Family Gratitude Journal

Back in 2009, our family started a journal in which to record our gratitude.  We set out to record at least 1,000 gifts.  (We got the idea from Ann Voskamp.)

I started with just a plain sketch pad from the art store.  I decorated the front cover and random pages inside with pictures from magazines.

We started with number 1, making a ongoing list of things for which we were thankful.  That first journal took us all the way to 2013 and we made it to 1,781 gifts!

As you can see, most of the writing is mine, but sometimes my kids would get in on the act.  At dinner, we would say what we were thankful for and I would record it.  I also tried to leave the journal out on the counter or kitchen table so that anyone could record something whenever the mood struck.

I have found that the time I most need to write in the gratitude journal is when I am grumpy or things don't seem to be going my way.  Remembering all the amazing things in life will put things in perspective right away!  It is also wonderful to go back and read all that we've recorded over the years.

Best of all, did you know that all the latest research shows that the habit of gratitude does amazing things in us, like decreasing levels of stress and depression, increasing levels of determination and energy, fostering closer relationships and increasing levels of happiness!  Who wouldn't want that?!

We recently filled up that first journal, so I just bought another one and quickly decorated it with whatever was at hand.  Here it is.  I can't wait to start filling it up!

Pick Your Fun Activity Jar (A Summertime Boredom Solution)

Summer is coming!  Kids are thrilled.  Teachers are thrilled.  Parents everywhere?  A little panicked.  How are we going to keep them happy and busy?  

I saw this idea several years ago, but since neither of my kids was in school yet, it didn't mean much then.  NOW I'm doing it!  What's great about this idea is that it can and MUST be customized for your family and your location.  This is what you do:

• Cut paper into strips. (We are doing enough to have 2-3 activities per week for the summer.)
• Sit down with your kids and come up with ideas for things THEY want to do this summer.
• Everyone writes down an activity on a piece of paper.
• Once the papers are all completed, put them in a jar (any container is fine, of course.)
• On your designated activity days, pick a random activity out of the jar and do it!

Here are some of our entries:
ride bikes, go for a hike, go to the movies, play laser tag, go skating, bake a cake from scratch, go to free play time at gym, go to the zoo, hit a local state park, visit a farm, go berry picking

It's important that everyone write down activities that the whole family can enjoy so that everyone looks forward to it.  Also, you can choose only activities that are absolutely free so your ability to participate is unlimited!

I'll post pictures as we do them.  What will you do to stave off boredom this summer?



 

 

Bedtime Bonding - my 3 favorites

I don't know about you, but our family's days (and evenings) seem to be jam-packed with homework, projects, soccer practice, much-needed free play, chores, showering, eating....the list goes on!  Sometimes, we arrive at bedtime, and I look at my family and wonder where the day has gone.  I realize that although we may have talked all day, I feel like we have been just existing in our house together, sometimes with little personal interaction.  So in our house, no matter how chaotic the rest of the day, BEDTIME IS SACRED. 

From the day our kids came home from the hospital, bedtime rituals have been a MUST, not just an afterthought.  Everyday, everything at bedtime happens together:  baths and showers, picking out and putting on pajamas, brushing teeth, getting water and stuffed animals and books, praying together, reading together, cuddling together.  We do not send our kids to do these things alone - we work together as a family.

My favorite part is lying in bed with each child (my husband and I switch kids every other night) and reading and cuddling and talking.  Over the years, we have developed several quiet games and activities to keep us talking and sharing.  My new favorite is one we call "My 3 Favorites".

After praying and reading and turning out the lights, my daughter and I lie next to each other.  One of us starts with the question, "What are your 3 favorite....?" and we finish with something.  We each take a turn answering each and then asking another.  Some of them are silly, some are serious, some are random (hers in particular - but hey, she's 5!), but all of them teach us about each other.  Some of our most recent favorites are:

*ice cream flavors, moments with your friends today, places in your school, pairs of socks, windows in the house (yeah, that was one of hers), reasons to smile, shirts, breakfast foods...

You get the idea.  It has become our favorite ritual, and we NEVER skip it.  Our kids know that it's as important as brushing our teeth and saying prayers...it's just what we do!

Do you and your family have anything like this?  I'd love fresh ideas!

Be a Little Bit Greener at the Grocery!

Earth Day was on Monday, in case you were wondering!  While we don't usually do anything special on Earth Day, I decided that I would pick just ONE thing that our family could do differently in order to live a little bit greener.  But there are SO MANY things we could do; which one should I choose?

Then I happened to walk into our local grocery store and I KNEW.  I saw these.

Am I alone in hating the piles of little plastic produce bags that get collected at the grocery store?  I hate to admit it, but I often end up throwing them in the trash instead of recycling them.  I have gotten pretty good at remembering my reusable grocery bags, but the produce bags still get me down!

Then I saw these little guys.  And guess what?!  Only $1.47 for each pack of 3.  An inexpensive, easy way that we can be a little bit greener, and I don't have to be overrun by annoying little bags.  What could be better?  I especially like the drawstring that will prevent runaway plums (or mangoes or apples or what-have-you).

If you were to pick ONE thing to make things greener in your family, what would it be?  

Healthy Lasagna that Tastes Like It's Not

If you are like me, you may be trying to get your family to eat more whole foods and less processed foods.  Maybe you'd like to get more leafy greens into your family's diet.  We all need more leafy greens!  

Here is a delicious and simple lasagna recipe that is much healthier than your mom's recipe (unless your mom is a health guru).  I have been serving this for years, and it always gets rave reviews!

photo credit
I found this recipe in Real Simple many years ago, and it has become a go-to for us.

My Variation of Real Simple's Vegetarian Lasagna


1lb soft tofu (keep reading!  it's worth it!)
1/2 c. grated parmesan (I use fresh, but you can easily use the stuff in the jar)
2 eggs
3 cloves garlic, minced
2 T. each fresh basil, thyme and oregano OR 2 t. each of dried (OR if you are anything like me and never sure if you will have exactly what you need on hand, just use any combination of these)
1/4 t. salt
1/8 t. ground pepper (or more...I love pepper!)
32 oz. tomato sauce (canned/jarred is fine, but it will taste so much better if you make your own. I use my friend Jen's EASY recipe which you can find here.)
no-boil lasagna noodles, white or whole wheat
2-3 cups baby spinach
one package of shredded mozzarella
Heat oven to 375 degrees.  Combine tofu, Parmesan, eggs, garlic, herbs, salt and pepper in a medium bowl.

Coat a 13 X 9 pan with cooking spray.  Spread about a cup of sauce in pan and arrange a layer of noodles on top.  Spread with half the tofu mixture; top with half the spinach, a third of remaining sauce and a third of the mozzarella. Repeat layers, ending up with noodles, sauce and cheese.  

Cover with aluminum foil and bake for 30 to 35 minutes.  Let stand for at least five minutes before you cut it so it has a chance to set.

I like to serve this with a salad and a loaf of whole grain crusty bread from the grocery store bakery.  

If you want to be really sneaky, just don't mention that our secret ingredient!  You will be feeding your family well, and they won't know what they're missing!

Strawberry Jam Forever

It's strawberry picking time in our neck of the woods, and my family LOVES it.  My kids always pick as much as their little arms can carry.  Problem, though...strawberries go rotten quickly, and there's only so many fresh berries kids can handle in one week.  But I hate the wasting food!  My solution?...this great and easy recipe for freezer jam!

So, what's the difference between freezer jam and regular cooked jam?  Cooked jam is what most people imagine when they think of jam.  It actually involves cooking the fruit you're using.  It can be canned and stored in the pantry like other canned products.  As you'll see below, with freezer jam, you don't actually cook the fruit.  Also, you have to keep it stored in the fridge or freezer.  

I actually prefer the freezer jam because it tastes more like fresh fruit, you don't cook out any of the nutrients, and you have the ability to better control how much sugar you actually use. 

What you'll need: 

• 2 lbs fresh strawberries 
• 2 Tbsp lemon juice 
• 3 cups sugar (some folks use up to 4 1/2 cups, others use 2...play with it until you find the right balance for your family) 
• 3/4 cup water 
• 6 Tbsp classic fruit pectin (I found mine with the canning supplies at our local grocery store.  You may find it on your baking aisle.)
• 5 8 oz glass canning jars with lids (I like the smaller jars, so there is less risk of it going bad in the fridge before you use it all.)

What you'll do:

 

Wash your strawberries, remove the stems and leaves, and cut the larger berries in half.  Now, you're going to mash them!  You have several options:  1) In a large bowl, use a potato masher to crush your strawberries.  2) Use a stand mixer with the whisk attachment (on low, please).  Just be sure to use your splash guard! ...

Or 3)  Place your strawberries in a large SEALED Ziploc bag and pound away!  I found this to work well for greener strawberries, and it definitely worked better for my daughter.  Add the lemon juice to your strawberries and stir to combine. 

Slowly add the sugar, mixing thoroughly.  Let stand for 10 minutes.  
 

In a small saucepan, combine the fruit pectin and water and bring to a boil.  Boil rapidly for 1 minute, stirring constantly.  Add cooked pectin mixture to strawberry mixture and stir for several minutes until thoroughly combined.
 

Spoon your fruit mixture into your canning jars.  Be sure to leave 1/2 inch space at the top as the jam will expand as it freezes.  Close your lids tightly and let jam stand in refrigerator until it is completely chilled (no more than 24 hours, though).

Serve immediately, refrigerate up to 3 weeks or freeze up to 1 year.

You kill more flies with vinegar than honey

There's nothing special about vinegar.  Well, ok, maybe there is.  White vinegar is my go-to for...well...just about EVERYTHING needed in cleaning in my house.  Did you know you could use it for more than just dyeing Easter eggs?!  (Didn't know you could do that either?)  Well, you can!

Here's my surefire list entitled "Vinegar is my Everything"  aka "You Kill More Flies with Vinegar than Honey":

Coffeepot:
Once a week, run a full pot of vinegar through your coffee maker.  Be sure to run another full pot of pure water through right after or your first pot of coffee will end up tasting like vinegar.  Blech.
Microwave: 
Kids and/or husband not understand how to cover a dish before heating?  Loosen the stuck on messes and make cleaning it super easy.  Pour one cup of vinegar in a microwave-safe cup or bowl.  Heat on high for 3-5 minutes, depending on how stuck-on your mess is.  The vinegar will boil and bubble over ... this is ok, it is what you want.  Afterward, wipe down with a moist sponge or cloth.

Dishwasher: 
Instead of using expensive dishwasher additives like Jet Dry or LemiShine, once a week fill a glass with vinegar and place it in the middle of the top rack of your dishwasher.  Run an empty load (except for the glass, of course) on a regular cycle.  As the dishwasher runs, the glass should tilt and spill the vinegar in the cycle, allowing it to help eliminate any unwanted build up.
Laundry: 
Do your clothes sometimes smell not-so-clean even after you've washed them?  Sometimes the animal oils in your liquid detergent or fabric softeners can clog your high efficiency washer!   Periodically, I will put vinegar in the bleach receptacle in my washing machine with a load of colors.  It will cycle through with the detergent just like the bleach does, but is safe for colors.  You're not only cleaning your clothes better, but you're also helping clean the washing machine.
Countertops: 
I have black granite countertops, and EVERY commercial cleaner I have tried leaves streaks I can see across the room.  It drives me nuts.  So instead, I use a 50/50 mixture of vinegar and water.  It's the only thing I use.  And the best part about it - I know that my kids can eat off the counters any time, without fear of toxic cleaners or residue!
Glass and more:  
With the same mixture above, we clean our mirrors, windows, glass, plastic, stainless steel, and more.  It truly is our everyday cleaner.
Bathroom Mixture: 

For cleaning my bathrooms (tubs, showers, tiles, floors, etc), I have modified and made my own version of the very popular "Magic Bathroom Mix".  

• 1 cup blue Dawn Dishwashing Liquid
• 2 cups white vinegar (some folks use 1 cup of vinegar.  If it works better for you, go for it.  I found that mixture to be too soapy on my bathroom tiles and more difficult to rinse.)
• Mix them together in a spray bottle and voila....a clean, non chemically, soap scum killer that will best just about any commercial product out there

We have saved untold sums of money replacing our specialty cleaning products with simple vinegar mixtures.  It's cheap (especially the generic version!), it's easy, it's natural, and it's always available.  Oh yeah, and you can cook with it, too.

I Can't Believe it's Butter!

I love knowing where my food comes from...how it's made, who made it, what's in it, why it's good, why it's bad.  I encourage my children to do the same.  Recently my son's 3rd grade class took a field trip to a working farm not far from where we live.   Now, this is a REAL WORKING farm, right out of the 1880s.  There are men and women who live there and work the farm as though it really is 130 years ago.  They raise their own animals and meat, grow their vegetables, cook on wood burning stoves, milk their cows, and churn their own butter.  It was a wonderful place to visit, though I think I'll keep my running water and my grocery store, thank you!

One thing we did learn was how they use their milk.  For example:

• milk the cows - that's the raw milk.
• leave the raw milk out to curdle - that's yogurt.
• hang the curdled milk out to dry - that's cheese
• use a machine to separate the raw milk into skim milk and cream.  
• (Now THIS is where it gets good.)   Churn or shake the separated cream and get....say it with me....BUTTER!

The farmer told us it was easy to do.  I didn't believe him, so I tried it.  I did exactly what he said, and you know he was right!  It was SO easy.  Here's how you do it...

1. Buy a carton of heavy cream.
2. Take a clean jar.  I used a plain canning jar, but you can use a clean baby food jar, a mason jar, or any durable and sealable container.
3. Fill the jar no more than half full with cream (so there will be room for the shaking).  
4. Close the top tightly.
5. Shake vigorously for 15-20 minutes, until you no longer hear the liquid and it has turned solid.  
6. At this point, you can be finished and move on to step 7.  Or if you'd like a more firm, solid butter, use your cheesecloth as a sack and squeeze out the excess liquid.  Then just return the solid butter to the jar.
7. Put the jar in the fridge to give the butter a chance to firm up a bit, and it's ready to go!

A few things to keep in mind: 

• This is 100% natural, totally fresh, and you know exactly where it comes from. 
• Your kids can do this...any age.  What a fun treat for them to serve up their own homemade food at breakfast or diner!
• Remind yourself and others around you that yellow butter isn't natural!  Yours will be white.  That's a good thing!
• Also, this is unsalted butter, so there won't be much flavor yet.  You can add salt if you wish. 
• This is a great way to make any flavor butter you want ... add honey, preserves, maple syrup... anything to give you a different flavor.
• Give these as Christmas or teacher gifts, or even welcome a new neighbor with it!
• And remember:

EVERYTHING IS BETTER WITH BUTTER!