Learn Your Child's Love Languages

A few weeks ago I posted about parenting transitions -- those times when we find that the things that have worked for us in relating to and helping our children just don't seem to have the same effect.  I shared a list of books I've read or am currently reading to help me through such a time.

Something I have done that has helped me understand my oldest (and most difficult) child is to find out his love language.  Not sure what that means?  Quick explanation:

The concept comes from the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.  My husband and I read were required to read this book as part of our pre-marital counseling, and the concepts have really stuck with me.  The premise is that not everyone receives or feels love in the same ways.  For example, I really feel loved when my husband helps me with the things I need to do -- laundry, cooking, ferrying children around, taking care of the car.  Chapman calls these acts of service.  However, my husband feels loved in different ways --when I give him thoughtful gifts, or with physical contact (bow chicka bow bow!).

The same idea is true for our children. Chapman outlines five different love languages.  They are:

* Words of Affirmation
* Acts of Service 
* Receiving Gifts
* Quality Time
* Physical Touch

With the help of a handy and fun online tool, you and your children (and your spouse!) can find out each other's love languages and then set about loving each other better!  

With my fifteen-year-old, I had him take the survey but not tell me the results.  Then I took the same survey and tried to answer as I predicted he would answer.  Guess what? Turns out I know him pretty well!  His top love language is Quality Time, and second is Receiving Gifts.  It was so helpful for me to read this and then to think about ways in which my husband and I can really show him that we love him so that he FEELS it!  I think it also spoke to my son that I wanted to take the time to know more about him.  (As an aside, I have also discovered a sixth love language that applies to this same son, and it is called Foods That Are Delicious and In Large Quantities.  I'm trying to be more intentional in my baking and cooking, as I think this will speak to others in my family, as well!)

I think this Love Language survey is a really useful tool for families.  Last week I told our high school counselor about it, and she said she planned to use it with her students, to help them understand themselves and their own parents and siblings.  

If you want to try out the tool, go here.  It's free and the website has lots of other good information that you may find helpful.  Have fun with it!

Make a Keepsake Card on Canvas!

Necessity is the mother of invention, they say.  Well, I proved this true this week!

My mom's 70th birthday is very soon and my siblings and I and our spouses have been in cahoots over what gift we would get her and how we would celebrate.  None of us live in the same town, so this was all done over email and text messages.  We finally came up with a lovely keepsake piece of jewelry that I think our mom will love.  I can't wait for her to receive it!

But just a few nights ago I was struck by the realization that she would probably LOVE to also receive something fun and handmade from the grandchildren.  My first thought was to make a "Happy Birthday" banner on butcher roll that the kids and I could decorate, roll up and send.  Alas, the roll of butcher paper was nowhere to be found!  But lucky me!  In all my searching, I found a few cheap canvases that I had purchased last year for the kids to use.  We'll paint that instead!

Alas again!  All my acrylic paints were dried up (Can you tell I'm not the crafty one on this blog?!  Charlotte would never be out of paint!).

Sharpies to the rescue!  We'll make a birthday sign on the canvas with sharpies!

I wrote the initial message and then had the children color it, make designs and sign their names.  I really like how it turned out so far.  I think I'll have the kids add the finishing touches today after school.

I can think of so many fun variations of this project!

* Use a smaller canvas and make a decoupage birthday card/sign for a child or a friend.

* Use the larger canvas to make a seasonal decoration to be used year after year, using paints/sharpies/decoupage.

* Make a birthday sign for the family, similar to the "You Are Special Today" plate.

I plan to attach a hanging strip in the back and send it on to my mother.  I have a feeling she's going to love it!

Help for Parenting Transitions

Lately, I've felt myself to be in what I call a "parenting transition".  You know how sometimes you're going along and things seem pretty smooth, pretty simple, and then suddenly nothing you were doing seems to work anymore, and you feel like your family is coming apart at the seams? No, only me?  Well, anyway...

I think it may be due to the start of a new school year and new activities, or maybe it's just plain old GROWING, but we and our kids have felt a bit out of step lately.  (That's a nice way of saying there's been a whole lot of fightin'!)

I decided to go back to some of the parenting books that have stood me in good stead over the years, as well as read some that were new (to me).  

You can see my stack in the photo above.  I thought I'd take a minute to tell you a bit about each one, as much as I can, just in case you find yourself in a parenting transition, either now or in the future.

Do I Get My Allowance Before or After I'm Grounded? by Vanessa Van Petten.  The author of this book calls herself a "youthologist" and is quite young herself.  She writes as someone who is in-between the ages of the teen and the parent.  I've not read the whole book yet, but do like her perspective and her focus on relationship-building.

Seize the Moment, Not Your Teen by Bill Sanders.  I picked this one up because I really like the title.  Too often I get swept away by anger or frustration and lose the opportunity to really connect with my teens.  

Grace Based Parenting by Dr. Tim Kimmel.  I have loved this book so far.  This one is definitely from a Christian perspective.  The author emphasizes a tenderness and a coming-alongside that doesn't come so naturally for me.  I need this point of view.

Youth:  The Years from Ten to Sixteen by Arnold Gesell, Frances Ilg and Louise Bates.  This is a much older book and is no longer in print; the copyright in my book is from 1956.  While much of it is outdated, I like that this book is quite comprehensive and detailed.  I have always found the series by these authors on the different ages to be revelatory; this edition is no different.  Best of all, it cover three of my four children!  There is much to take in here, so I read it in small doses.  It's a good resource book.

The Key to Your Child's Heart by Gary Smalley.  This is a classic from back in the 90s.  I've had this book for years (I think my mother-in-law gave it to me before we had children), but had never read the whole thing.  At first, I found it hard to read because it felt like the author was just describing his perfect family, WHICH I DON'T HAVE. Sometimes I find parenting books unbearable because they hold up an impossible standard that just crushes me.  But as I read further, I saw that the author does NOT have perfect family, and he does have some really good suggestions for creating a close-knit family, and for getting closer to kids who may have shut you out.  I liked this one.

Parenting Teens with Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay.  I love anything by the Love and Logic people.  I think their ideas make so much sense and REALLY DO WORK if you can discipline yourself to really try.  This is the kind of parenting book to keep on your bedside table and just read a bit every night.  Because we always need help, we always need reminding. 

So there's my reading list, people!  Tell me, what books of resources have you found helpful?  

Initial Letter Shrinky Charm

Here is another take on the good old Shrinky Dinks from your childhood!

I used white Shrinky Dinks for this project, but you could use any finish/color you like.

1.  Print off your initial in any font you like (I used Lucida Calligraphy.)  Make the letter three times the size you want your pendant to be, since they shrink down to about a third of their size.  I wanted it to be a little over an inch, so I went with almost 4 inches for the letter.

2.  I cut out a piece of the plastic that was just a bit larger than my letter.  You could tape the paper to the plastic, but I just held it together in my hands without a problem.  Then I cut out the letter from the paper and plastic simultaneously.

3.  Use a 1/8 " hole punch (if you have one) in an area that makes sense to place the jump ring.  (Shrinky Dinks instructions say that 1/8 " is the best size for jewelry making, but you could use a regular hole punch too.  It just won't be as snug on the jump ring.)

4.  Bake according to package directions.  

My tips are: 
*Place parchment paper under the shrinky to bake.  
*Don't panic!  It curls and then it uncurls.  It will be fine.  If it's not flat, press it down with a spatula as soon as it comes out of the oven.  
*These are pretty forgiving.  If it's just not flat after all that, you can put it back in the oven for a little bit more time.

5.  See how much they shrink?  If I were making this for myself, I probably would have stopped here and worn it as-is.  

However, I made this for my 12-year-old daughter who likes a bit more oomph.  I just used her favorite glitter nail polish to finish it.  I had to use three coats to get the look I wanted.  If polish clogs the opening to the hole, just use a toothpick to clear it out.

6.  When that's all dry, just add a jump ring and string it onto a chain.  That's it!

Hope you'll give this a try.  It was a very easy project, and my daughter is thrilled with her new necklace!

Help with School Lunches!

It's that time of the year again!  Time to make the school lunches!  For me, one of the best freedoms of summer vacation is the freedom from packing four school lunches. I am always looking for tips and tricks to make it easier and quicker!

At the same time, our family has been trying to eat more "real food".  And by real food, I mean food that is minimally processed.  Abiding by this idea cuts out a lot of my school lunch go-tos!  No more single serving packages of chips or pretzels!  No more overly-sugared yogurt tubes!  Lots more homemade goods and fruits and veggies!

Today I'm sharing links to several resources around the web that I've found helpful as we begin the school year.  Hope you find something that helps your family, too!

I really try to not have too much disposable stuff in my kids' lunches.  These lunch containers are my favorites.  I'm also going to try these this year.  And to replace those yogurt tubes, I may try smoothies in these silicon freezer tubes.

I use this lunch box but have also seen lots of people who use these.

This blog is all about eating real food and she's got a whole section all about school lunches.  Recipes, too!  I've been spending a lot of time on her site, getting ideas and trying things out. 

This is a great post about making lunches quickly.  Lots of other great ideas on her site.

I also found this good idea for doing a bunch of prep before the week starts so that each morning goes smoothly and quickly (At least in terms of lunch-making!  No guarantees on anything else!)  

As you may  know, there are also TONS of great ideas on Pinterest.  Poke around, see what you find, then come back here and let us know what caught your eye in the comments!

Pencil Cup Upgrade

All you need:
Yarn
Needle or Tape
Pencil Cup from Dollar Store

I didn't have a needle that would be big enough for the yarn and also small enough to thread through the holes in the cup, so I twisted the end of the yarn and taped it up tightly. That's what I used as a "needle" and it worked great.

Like so:

Then just thread the yarn through in any pattern you like.  I did a very simple up-and-down pattern.  Adds a little extra color and zip to a plain pencil cup for very little money and just a little time!

Personalize your spiral notebook

Last week, I posted this post listing some easy and creative ways to use some of your extra school supplies. 

This week I'm showing you the Personalized Spiral Notebook

Supplies needed:

spiral notebook

pipe cleaners

spray adhesive

scissors

wax paper

First lay out your wax paper and place your spiral in the middle.  Using whatever pattern or design you wish, start laying out your pipe cleaners in order.  The pipe cleaners will probably be too long, so you have 2 options:  cut them before you glue them down or lay them all down and cut them all after the glue dries.

Then, using a piece of cardboard or plastic as a barrier, spray 1-2 inches of your spiral, starting on the left.  As quickly as possible, place the pipe cleaners on the sticky surface until you've covered all of the adhesive.  Then using a piece of plastic or cardboard as a protective barrier, spray the next 1-2 inches and lay the pipe cleaners.  Repeat the process until you've covered the entire cover.  Allow the glue to dry completely before you cut the excess or before you use it.

I'm going back to school this fall, and our school colors are blue and gold.  I thought this would be a nice, personalized gift for another teacher or a student.

Come back next Friday for a new super easy school supply craft idea.

Family Reunion Fun

We just got back from an amazing family reunion and I have to share with you an activity we did that seemed crazy at first, but ended up being one of my favorites.

Are you ready for this?

Are you sure?


Okay, here it is...synchronized swimming.  That's right, at our family reunion we had a synchronized swimming competition.  And it. was. awesome.

This wasn't my idea, so I can't claim any credit for it.  In fact, at first I wasn't very enthused by the idea.  But after watching the three teams perform their routines, I think this idea is a total winner!

Here is how we did it.  Teams were formed randomly, but with effort to get each team balanced with people from each generation.  The oldest team member was my Uncle Steve, who is 80, and the youngest team member was my cousins's son, Isaac, who is 4.  And of course, there were all sorts of ages in between.  We ended up with teams of 5 to 7 people.

Once the teams were formed, we had about an hour to come up with a routine and song and to practice said routine.  We practiced on land and in the water.  We also appointed two or three judges.

Here's what I think is great about this activity:

1.  It gets the generations working together.  So fun to see old and young coming up with ideas together.

2.  Anyone can participate.  My team kept our routine in the shallow end of the pool for our shorter participants, but one team had a participant wearing a life jacket.  So awesome.

3.  It is creative, but also completely silly.  Ridiculous, really.

4.  It made everyone laugh.  Really hard. For a long, long time.  

And just to prove my point, I give you this (very shaky from laughing) video (and please forgive my ridiculous giggling):

I think this idea could work with any number of gatherings, not only family reunions.  

What are some of the fun things you have done at family reunions?  I'd love to have more ideas for the next time we get together!

Yearly Project for Graduation Gift

Ashlee at Two Naps by Noon came up with a great idea for a long-term project that will be a huge hit with your child when he/she graduates.  

Write a letter to your child each year at a specific time, including interesting facts about them from the previous year, and include some cash.  Then, however many envelopes you have, you can give them one per day leading up to graduation.  I think I'll do mine at the beginning or end of each school year and possibly give to them in the days leading up to the time they move away for college.  

They will have lots of "love letters" to send them off and a nice little nest egg to get started.

I just wish I'd known about this when my kids were younger!

Read the full post here.

Fun and creative ways to use all those school supplies

School supply time is magical.  Seriously.  Second only to Christmastime, school supply shopping is my favorite time of year.  Is there anything better than the smell of a fresh box of crayons, a new unused spiral, a clean and full eraser?  That's right...NO there's not.

Where we live, school supply lists are coming out and the supplies are on sale.  The urge to buy is too much to resist.  When my local store posts a "Limit 6" sign, I HAVE to buy 6, even if we only need a few.  I usually end up with extra school supplies pouring out of our craft cabinet and no idea what to do with them.  So what can YOU do with all of these extras?  Here you go...

• Pencil cases make EXCELLENT make up bags.  
• Make a crayon wreath.
• Use clear school boxes to store your measuring spoons.
• Turn composition books into one of a kind journals
• Punch holes in your kids artwork (it's okay, I promise) and keep them in a binder on a shelf or a coffee table to use as an art book.
• Cover spiral notebooks in pipe cleaners for a creative cover. 
• Use food coloring and Elmer's Glue to turn clear glass vases, jars, and bowls into sea glass.  
• Melt down crayons in any mold to create a unique crayon or even decoration.
• Use index cards cut into shapes to make gift tags for any occasion.
• Glue map pencils or regular pencils around a cup, can or jar to create a one of a kind pencil holder for your desk!  (You can do it with crayons, too!)
• And best of all.... school supplies can be a great giving opportunity for your kids.  Collect extras of everything and take them to local homeless shelters or community centers for children who need help!

But now I need YOUR input.  Which of the above crafts would YOU like to see in a detailed how to post?  In the coming weeks I will post detailed instructions. Stay tuned!

Pinhole Craft

Looking for something to do with your kids today?  How about this easy and good-looking craft?  

You've probably already got all the supplies you'll need.

• Construction paper
• Graphic Images (from the web or draw your own)
• Tape
• Pin (I used T-pins for easier grip)
• Phone book or other thick, springy surface

*This craft does use sharp pins, so be sure your child is able to handle pins before attempting.

Tape the image to the construction paper.  (Note: If making a letter, print it in reverse.  You will end up turning the paper around, so you want the letter to face the right way at the end.  (See "N" below.)

Simply place the paper on the phone book, then pierce the paper along the outlines.

Once finished, tape the paper in a sunny window and enjoy!  (My daughter thinks it looks like "tiny diamonds" shining through.)

Bake a Cake IN a Jar

I don't just mean PUT and SERVE a cake in a jar...I mean actually BAKE it in the jar.  No really!  It's SO easy, you don't even know.  Well, after you read this you will.  Super, super easy and so, so fun.  Here's how you do it...

First you'll need mason jars.  I purchased a dozen at my local grocery store.  I chose half pint size because that's the size I wanted.  I've seen recipes that use full pint jars as well.  Really, it's up to you.  Wash your jars thoroughly and allow them to dry. 

Next, mix your cake batter.  Any cake batter will do.  I used our favorite Betty Crocker Yellow Cake mix.  Feel free to make something from scratch (you'll have to explain to me later WHY you would actually do this instead).

Using a narrow serving spoon, fill the jars 1/4 of the way. (You'll notice that in the pictures, my jars were a little more full.  This ended up being too full and didn't leave enough room at the top after they baked.)  Wipe any excess from the sides.  

Place the jars on a cookie sheet and bake them according to the instructions for cupcakes. (approximately 13-15 minutes based on my experience).  I cooked just 4 at a time, just to make sure I was doing it right, but you could fill the cookie sheet if you wanted to.  Allow them to cool completely.  (Notice how these are too full?  I just cut some off the top to make room and made the next batch smaller.)

Now it's time to let your imagination go wild!  The rest of the jar can be layered with all sorts of toppings, from fruit to candies and frosting to decorations.  For my daughter's cakes, I decided to go with a strawberry shortcake style jar.  I sliced fresh strawberries and tossed them with a bit of sugar.  I made homemade whipped cream (This is my favorite, tried and true recipe.  You'll see it at the bottom of the page, after the shortcake recipe.)

Once they were full, I used scraps of fabric I already had to cut squares and decorated the tops with them.  

I've seen others use decorative paper, stickers, glitter or anything you like to add a little something.  You can tie ribbon and create personal labels.  They can be as fancy or as rustic as you choose. 

This was a HUGE hit for my daughter's birthday. 

I will do this again soon, maybe for a dinner party or book club. Oh, check out my other "in a jar" posts for jam and butter.  Apparently, food in a jar is my schtick!!

Easy packing for camp (or any long trip)

My 9 year old son just left for camp, for the first time, EVER!  So that makes this my first time to pack someone for camp, EVER!! 

My plan was just to pack everything on the "What to Pack" list from the camp,  fold it in the duffel bag, and be done.  Then my friend Jenni stopped by as I was packing and gave me what turned out to be the best advise EVER!

Take a full day's outfit (shirt, shorts, socks, underwear), fold them up and put them in a Ziploc bag.  If you want to, you could even label the days: Monday, Tuesday, etc. or even just Day 1, Day 2, etc. 

There are MANY reasons that this idea is great:

• My son could not match his clothes into an outfit if his life depended on it.
• He tends to pull everything out of a bag to look for something.  Then nothing goes back (or if he's forced to put it back, it's just shoved in there, dirty and clean all together.)
• Each morning, Sam can reach in his duffel, pick out a Ziploc bag, and be done.  No choosing, sorting, searching necessary.**
• Because each bag is packed tight and you can take the air out of them, there is tons of room in his bag for other things.
• At the end of the week, when his bag is being repacked, maybe, JUST MAYBE, he'll think to put something wet or nasty in a Ziploc.  Ok, so not likely.  But it COULD happen.
• This is great for any trip, whether you're with them or not.  The next time we head to Disney World, I'm doing this for both of my kids. 

So, that's IT.  I feel like a super hero this week, like I've saved one small portion of my world.  It's kind of awesome.  Am I the last mom to hear about this idea?   Maybe I'm not so super?  Or maybe I am!

**Blogger's update:  As of yesterday, day 4 of camp and based on online photos posted by his counselors, Sam appears to be wearing the exact same clothes for every activity all week:  his bathing suit bottoms and the same t-shirt.  It's nice to see all of my efforts making such a difference for him.